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A dinner divine

in

Before we dine, maybe I should first tell you how this came about : Alhaji Gambo had a ram - a scruffy white animal with huge coiled horns, large baleful eyes and a generally malevolent appearance. He had initially acquired it for Eid-el-fitri, but along the way Alhaji Gambo had other plans for this evil beast - he had trained it to attack Christians, or anyone that looked like a Christian. Quite generally, If you did not have the appearance or attitude that it approved of, or did not wear a mullah's robe, the animal trotted threateningly about you. Woe betides anyone who carried anything that resembled a Bible.

My problem arose from the fact that Alhaji Gambo's house was situated on the northern entrance to the street. And because one could never predict the disposition of this horrible ram at any time, I always traveled by the southern end of the street: which made my journey to the nearest bus stop about ten minutes longer. Indeed the animal had once gored me from behind and though no great harm had thankfully been done, this attack had cost me a good pair of trousers.

"You ought to get that evil beast destroyed before it kills somebody" I had complained to Alhaji Gambo.

"Wallahi, it is not an evil beast. Its name is Hammer, and it will not kill anyone who believes in Allah", was his promise. "It was sent to me by Allah to strike terror into the heart of unbelievers. Allah Akbar".

And since I was an unbeliever, at least as far as his faith was concerned, I did the sensible thing and planned my journey south-wise.

Life could have gone on peacefully in spite of this obvious inconvenience, until one morning when a swarthy beast came hurtling towards me from the house at the southern end of the street. And without waiting to establish the actual nature of the danger, I had fled for dear life. About two hundred yards away and panting hard, I could recognise the throaty bark of a very big dog of a naturally hostile breed. And approaching was Pastor Okonkwo, looking quite bemused.

"What did you do to annoy my dog?" he asked.

"I didn't even know that you had a dog", I gasped.

"It is no ordinary dog. Its name is Thunder, and it is trained to attack Moslems and street louts", he told me.

"As you can very well see, I am neither of those. And I warn you, that animal might kill somebody one day with dire consequences for yourself, as it is obviously is not intelligent enough to explain its actions", I told him.

And thus it became that each day, before leaving home in the morning or returning at night, I had to choose which of the two dangers- Thunder and Hammer, that I would rather risk.

A sop for Cerberus.

It was one of those ideas which happens to one as an act of mercy. Thus each day I would take along a stick of carrot for the ram of a good bone for the dog, depending on my desired route. It came to be therefore that these two animals began to take keen interest of a gentler nature at my approach. And I was comforted that neither of them had any natural lust for the destruction of my life. Familiarity as people say elicits contempt. And so in the dog I saw Pastor Okonkwo tirelessly gleaning slivers of meat from a bland bone. Also in the ram I saw Alhaji Gambo ruminating ceaselessly on undigested vomitus. And love- the fundamental of the faith of these two gentlemen hid behind alimentary pursuits.

And so it was one day last week that with a little sack of carrots I lured Alhaji Gambo"s ram to meet a gathering of good Moslems at the butchery. And as it was also festival time, I took the opportunity to tempt Pastor Okonkwo"s dog to our ancestral shrine where thankful worshippers made of it a worthy sacrifice to their Ogun - the god of iron

"Now I wonder what happened to Hammer", Alhaji Gambo had suspiciously inquired of me,

"Only God knows what evil has befallen Thunder", Pastor Okonkwo had told me with I suspect equal suspicion.

"Only God knows. Only God knows". I had replied both of them .

As for me however, I have no question as to what had happened onto my dinner plate. God is good, Hallelujah. Allah is wonderful. Come taste and see.

Bless this meal O Lord, amen.